~

apakah ini hal yang menakutkan?
hal yang paling aku takutkan?

kenapa di saat yang penting, ada kabar seperti ini?
apakah dia merasa sakit?
atau ada sesuatu yang tidak nyaman?
atau...apakah dia tertekan karena melihat hasil pemeriksaan ini?

aku takut.
takut sekali.
takut sekali kehilangan dia.

aku, sungguh sangat mencintai, siapa yang telah menjagaku dari aku bayi.
dari aku bayi, hingga sekarang, aku telah berumur 15 tahun.
15 tahun lamanya, aku di bawah pengawasannya.
15 tahun lamanya, aku berada di sampingnya.
15 tahun lamanya, dia selalu ada untuk aku.

apakah semua ini karena aku?
karena aku?adikku?atau sesuatu yang selalu membuat dia terganggu dan terbebani?
atau karena keturunan?
atau karena masalah di kantornya?

aku sungguh tak tahu.
bahkan, sebagai anak sulung........
aku sungguh tak tahu dan tak mengerti apa-apa.
dan, seperti yang dikatakannya, aku memang tidak bisa apa-apa.
dan aku merasa, aku hanya sebuah batu,
sebuah batu yang membuatnya terbebani.
sebuah batu yang membuatnya terluka dan tersakiti.

aku menyayangi dia.
aku mencintai dia.
aku menghormati dia.
aku menghargai dia.

tapi...
sungguh maaf.
aku benar-benar selalu bersikap dingin.
tidak baik. atau apapun seakan-akan egoku lebih besar daripada keegoisan.

kadang..
aku benci diriku.
kadang.
aku merasa, diriku ini sangat tidak berarti.
sebab, aku takut, kalau aku adalah penyebab dia terluka.
penyebab hasil pemeriksaan itu yang menyakitkan.

sekarang..
apa yang dapat aku lakukan?
aku hanya bisa berdoa.
aku hanya bisa melakukan apa yang aku bisa.
aku punya beberapa talenta.
meskipun tidak hebat,
meskipun tidak banyak,
meskipun tidak bisa apa-apa,
tapi.......
aku sungguh menjanjikan kepadanya
kalau aku boleh memberikan yang terbaik untuk dia.

maaf.
di hari-hari yang terlewati ini..
aku sungguh buruk bukan?
aku sungguh menyusahkan bukan?
aku sungguh membebani dan menyakiti bukan?
aku sungguh egois bukan?
aku sungguh dingin bukan?
aku sungguh payah bukan?
dan aku sungguh bodoh bukan?

harusnya..
harusnyaa..
aku bisa jadi yang terbaik buat dia.
bisa menjadi terang buat dia.
bisa membawa keceriaan yang menyenangkan hatinya.
bisa membantu dia.
bisa mengerti dia.

aku akan mencoba.
mencoba untuk itu semua.
sebab,
aku tak akan menyia-nyiakan waktu ini.
waktu yang semakin lama semakin sempit.
tolong jangan pernah pisahkan aku dari semuanya.
karena aku benci perpisahan.
aku ingin kebahagiaan.
kedamaian.
dan segalanya yang penuh cinta kasih.

walau kadang.
aku ini sungguh bodoh.
aku ini sungguh ego.
tapi.
yang aku bisa,
hanyalah percaya pada diriku.
kalau aku bisa.

tolong jaga kesehatan ya.
aku sangat ingin menjaganya.
tolong lindungi dia.
dari apapun.
dan jangan pernah pisahkan aku darinya.
sebab.
aku sungguh-sungguh sangat mencintainya,
melebihi nyawaku sendiri,
melebihi kehidupanku sendiri.

the 1st chapter of shs is almost done :D

yeah...
im really waiting for holiday.
im going to Singapore and Malaysia, soon ;)
i know, that will be a very great trip..

umm..
now..
im still having some final test.
they are sociology, indo languange, math, chem, economy, computer, biology, and mandarin..
i've learnt soc and indo..
btw, i wanna tell smthing..
2 days ago.. Friday, 3rd Dec '10..
i was late to go to ipeka school.
uh! it was really2 annoying.
actually, i had been woking up at 5.20 and learnt the religion materials.
but... i went school at 6.15
i dunno, that could be a traffic jam in front of ipeka
it was raining
and floods .
so, i thought, that i couldn't walk to school because of floods.
but....
finally, i walked too -.-
reached the school with the wet shoes, wet hair.
uhhh.
it was so cool.
and after that, i must have done the religion test. T___T
i did it quickly, because i was scared that i just had a less time to do it.

really.
i thought.......
if i go to school earlier, i'll be at school punctual and won't be wet like that.
and..
of course, i will more concentrate than i did it when i was wet .
so..
it was a damn day.
i hate it.
but..
God helped me.
He....
he has a plan that i'll be done punctual.
so i was so proud of Him
really thanked
many thanks.

shs:(

hello..new school, everyone..
i think this is so bad..
i actually hate to be in shs.
i've grown older..
i really can't forget my memories in jhs .
and now?
what can i do in the new school?
i dont recognize anyone.
i hate to be in my new class.
there's always many person, like a,e,f,b,d,y,c,m,and the others who really hate me .
and i dont understand, what's my mistake?
talk to them? ...never.
make a noise? never.
smater than ? maybe..this' the problem i think.
if they don't envy to me, so, what's the problem?
they talk about me all the time.
in class, or the other.
do you know how sad i am when i step on the shs?
i dont like it.really.
why do they always destroy my days?
why do they always disturb me with the bad talks or anything?
im really tired. tired of everything.
at school, i have a lot of test, assignments, group works and anything.
i can't hang out everyweek , though.
my life is changed...
and i hate this.
but what can i do?
i just know, God always be in my side, and helps me all the time.
i just know, i just believe Him all the time.
no one can be believed.
they are such an idiot and a liar.
they are really really a good person.
but why do they have a really bad behavior?
they are rich, aren't they?
please.
stop talking .
just shut your mouth.
and please.
i always pray for all of you.
so that all of you can survive and realize that you're such an idiot to do this all.
please....

my june holiday in surabaya

i love this town ! that's the sentences that i said at the last time i was there. .

okay, now, i'd like to tell my 5 days experience when i was there :]

at the first time, we tidied up our clothes and put them into the suitcases. after that, we went to soekarno-hatta international airport by taxi. then, we checked in and waited for the boarding. i and my family were eating smthing in the restaurant while waiting . and then, the time has done, and we went to the aeroplane immediately. hehe. and we were in the plane. i sat next to my siblings near the plane's window, because i liked to see the view when the plane flied. the plane needed 1 hour and 10 minutes to get in surabaya. and, the plane took off and was in the sky :D

1 hour and 10 minutes .
after that, we landed in juanda international airport in surabaya! it was a nice airport,too. i think an airport was same as usual hehe:p then, we took our suitcases in the baggage and got out from that airport. and, we were picked up by my dad's friend. his name is Andy. and the JCI called him uncle. we felt the surabaya town was more hot than jakarta. but, i dunno, i thought that was same and okay;p . then, we arrived in java paragon hotel. it was a really nice hotel. and then we went to the room and were picked up again by uncle to the restaurant, because we didn't have lunch.

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farewell party JHS

oh! unexpected, i have graduated from junior high school. it means, on july i'll be school in a new high school. time is really fast! hmm i just want to share my story when i had a day trip in pondok PGI, puncak for having farewell party, the last time we can commemorate our triumph in junior high school. i wanna to share our photo before we got there :

and this is my photo with my friends in the bus :

i think that time was the best trip with my friends. first, we wore the yellow cloth which made by the committee. then, we went there by bus. i was in the bus 2 (9b class). intan and laura sat beside me. they are my best friend. after that, we had breakfast in the bus. the food was delivered by hoka-hoka bento restaurant. after 1 hour, we arrived at pondok PGI, puncak. the weather was good there. it was cool in the mprning or night. that was the first time i went there. i never go there before. for the first time, we become acquainted with the older coaches who will nurture and help us there. and then, we had to pass through 7 challenges in the game that has been provided there. i was in the third group. we called our group "ketigax group". i think it wasn't a good name, but it was an unique name. our group consisted of 15 persons. and we had yells for our group, also. it was cool LOL :D . the most memorable game was body rope, when we played in the swimming pool, and when i played the flying fox yuhuuuuu ( i can fly ) :P . ok now, i'm gonna share my group's photos when we played body rope. wait a minute. ok :D


oh sigh! do you know ? my eyes were poignant when i was in the swimming pool. i was wet for all ! my cloth, my pants, and of course my hair ! oh NOOOOOOOO ! do you know what caused it ? because, my friends continuously poured plenty of water to release a ball in a pipe which is leaking and i had to close many holes in that pipe with my hands so that we can won it and got 2000 points in this game. but, it was useless! we were patient in a long time, but finally, we let go that game, because it was really hard for us! :( but, no problem.HAHAHA. that was such a game. and then, i played flying fox and magic bamboo. haha, it was really fun and always be memorized in my mind :)

after that, we went to our each room for taking a bath, taking a rest, and changing our dirty cloth with a cloth which we brought from our each home. then, we had a great dinner in that hotel restaurant. haha, the tastes of foods there were delicious. at that night, we went to the field for having fun and togetherness in fire show. it was really fun and impressive. i really love it and i still remember every second when i was there with my friends and my teachers. i love all of them. they always be my hero in jhs.

then, after that show, we went to our each room to take a nap at that night, so that, we can wake up early to follow the worship in that morning. but, although i was very tired at that time, actually, i can't sleep, though. so, i listened to music in my handphone with handsfree.

-morning- 13/05/2010

i woke up at 4.30 a.m. and after that i took a bath with the warm water. haha. if i use the cold water, i'll get sick at that time. :P. i woke up earlier than my roomates. my friends were still on the dreamland :p :p. because, i had to wait for 1 hour, i was outdoor to see the beautiful view in that morning. wow. unexpected! actually, my friends were in the swimming pool and swam in that morning. the weather was cool, but i think, didn't they think if they will get sick? haha. then, i took some photos there:D

after that, i went to the hall to follow the worship. together we prayed, together we sang, and together we cheered the day by our smiles. hmm. at that time, it was the doorprizes for the students and the teachers. but, i didn't get anything. haha.. maybe i was unlucky at that time :p :p. but, i didn't care. the most important that i wanna have is just to consolidate our friendship and our togetherness in our last time in jhs, that was our impressive farewell party, our never end trip, and our sweet and of course it always be our memorible moments.

-SHOW FROM 9A,9B,and 9C-

9a : the 9a class showed her/his creativity by showing the short dramas. it liked a cinderella, snow white, etc. *i forget it, sorry hehe:p* but it was good and cheered up the audiences.

9b : aish. we were nervous when we were gotta show our creativity in that stage. of course ! my class had some mistakes when the show started. we just sang together with the songs from high school musical - we're all in this together and from vitamin C - graduation (friends forever). :)

9c : hmm, the 9c class sang the songs too. the title of the song is "ingatlah hari ini" from project pop.

after that, we made preparations for taking some photos. the girls made up and so did the boys. haha. we were really busy when preparated it. hair,face,dress,high heels shoes,shirt with jacket, pants, and shoes were preparated by us. hoho. the girls were beautiful and the boys were handsome. yeah, we were. LOL. then, when we were ready, we took some photos, the personal photos and the group photos. it looked nice. (i've seen it) hehe. yeah. i realized, that day, we had to back to jakarta, because our farewell party finished but always in our mind forever. then, we changed our dress with the casual clothes and went to the restaurant near pondok PGI by bus. so, we had dinner at that evening and after that, it was end. we went back to jakarta by that bus.

-ST.PAUL SCHOOL-

yeah! we arrived at our school again! we thanked to our driver, our teachers, our friends, and our commitee for keeping us well in our farewell party. okay.... after that, we went our each home. :)

message :

i just wanna tell all of my family at saint paul school... i thank them for everything. they always help me, cheer me up, make a good jokes, make me laugh everyday in the class, make me success in the national test, give me supports, etc. thank you... friends and teachers. i really love all of you, and i promise, i always remember all of you forever. i'll always miss all of you, and i'll always miss our moments in junior high school. then, i wanna say "good bye, my beloved school, st.paul school" from st.paul school, i started my career, my life, and my friendship. thank you for everything. i appreciate it. i really love it. *sad* but, i know, one day,God will unite us again...i just hope our friendship will never end till the end of time :)